Blogging to clear my noggin

seems that my blog has quite a following.. after my fren gs publicised my blog to our mutual frens in church.. thanks ah gab… =)

aniwae.. they all been complaining abt the negativity factor in my blog.. saying justin.. y so neg for wad? compare w so many other ppl n all n complaining all the time.. i’m such a whiner. but then again, let me turn back and ask u gents this question. wad is the purpose of a blog? it’s to shout out how u feel. like 2 of my frens who treat their blog as a love story to broadcast to the world.. how my dear n her dear likes to hold hands n all.. hahaha.. sorrie for the arrowing.. but then, it’s juz an example.

so wad is the purpose of MY blog? ok.. juz look up the left hand side right at the top near my pic. the little postscript at the bottom.. "blog gets typed, grey matter cleared.. nuff said"… with that i really tell u all i like to dispel my negativity by shouting all aloud for all to hear. also got nothing really positive really happens nowadays.. it’s also coz ppl are really bitches sometimes.. who likes to hear tt ya doing well? ppl like to hear gossip.. who is bs-ing who in the office.. which idiot is shooting down ppl n all.. well..

i dun intend to keep a following. but i intend to hold true to y i created this blog. but still having said that, it’s not fair to cut u all out from my positive factors in life.. coz my frens dun like a sourpuss.. neither do girls. so.. aniwae..

well.. 1 positive note i got my progress pax on like fri.. n 700 bucks + my salary of 1.1k take home justifies me to go on a shopping spree. that is y my crumpler bag came out when i got my border’s paycheck. so techinically i’m not tt poor anymore. but w greater power comes greater responsibility as i pay for bills, transports and chipping in for home utilities.

actually by my frens complaining, at least i know that they actually bother w my stuff.. but for wad reasons i also not sure but still reassuring to know they are so kaypoh.. LOL.. sol n rayy.. yea.. i know.. but still my attitude and neg i fully justify y i say n wat is the reason behind it all.. coz i really like to broadcast how shit u feel.. or in the case how i feel.. hahaha.. 2 postive factor.

n w all the cash coming in. though not alot.. justifies me to go n buy stuff i wanted to buy but did not dare to splunge on.. like another pair of shoes!.. u think wearing SAF shoes all day long makes u feel any better? dammnit.. sucky shitty shoes.. n to think i wear no.3 shoes all day during work.. crap.. i definately deserve better on weekends n in due time for work. so tml prob going w darryl to buy puma shoes.. LOL.. n yes.. i haf sound back on my com.. as i bought altec lansing speakers.. which is cheap n small.. the lowest quality type for 30 bucks.

so smile tnite my frens n folks as this is ya nite.. where i explain my shit.. n i feel good broadcasting something gd. but still neg will come in time to time. but at least u know y..

cya folks

*jus appeases*

it’s the weekend.. n a long one at that but i dun feel happie of any sort. feel like shit.. but though i came back from my fren’s housewarming.. n thot i could engage in the only relaxing activity in my life at e moment also cannot.

i’m  a computer addict and i love to surf n pa game. but then now my net is really pissing e hell outta me.. i cant even play decent game wout me disconnecting. my msn also disconnects, my com has no speakers.. i dun haf a social life.. n ppl think otherwise of me wherever i go.. wat more has life good to offer man? feel like shit.. yes i am shit.. i dc-ed in 5 freaking continuous dota games.. n i feel like i went to hell n back.

work seems to b the only thing i have at e moment. even my recreational activities seems to b on hold or it’s not letting me even relax for a farking bit!.. shit man.. wtf..

if this is a way to test my patience.. well.. i’m cracking up after all this shit tt happens and no major joy to rejoice in my life. tried, tested and juz shattered..juz feel like putting my finger in the air n juz _I_ coz nothing matters amymore to bring hope to me anymore..

all my confidantes and consolants.. where on earth r all of u.. in e end, doomed to banishment, a lonesome existance where only the brave survive and i’m not 1 of them.. rotting hulk of decayed carcass with the agony of the splinters of my coffin and in my dark legacy.. cursed the dammned.. i am the dammned..

*jus _I_*

mid week wed and i still feel like crap. hahaha.. guess u guys haf heard my sob story for ages.. work’s getting more n more intense as i understand more of the operations and details of my department. as my msn nick will say.. lifeless,loveless workaholic. tht is wad it is for now..

next week is a 3 day week.. but i dun feel excited as i got no plans planned for it. no hot dates, no planned outings.. also dunno wat i look forward in life now. i used to await the day i work but now i dread going to it.. i also dread going home doing nothing which is wad i do now everyday.. i dun even know 2 holidays.. may 1st n fri next week i’m gonna do.

too long i have languished in lament n torment waiting for things to happen but juz passes me by.. too eager the wait for the sweet smell of good things to come but does not happen. but yet reeling in the death n decay of betrayal, hate and deceit of ppl..

v poetic rite? .. lol… melodramatic i guess? hahaha.. seriously nid something to pick me up man.. going outta my mind.. well.. thanks u all for hearing me rave abt my nonsense.. hahaha..

*jus crapz*

nooooo.. my weekend’s gone again… n it’s 1am.. juz got back from a show called 8 below abt 8 huskies braving the cold artic storm.. o dammn it is a real long show. but a sweet 1 at tht.. a feel good show at tht n so many things we can relate to. ok so fine, the owner tried his best to find them back but the show’s main attraction is still abt the dogs.. how they break the chains that sealed one dog’s fate to how the battle the elements of hail n snow. losing close one’s beside u and learning how to let go.. and fighting the common enemy for the things u nid to stand up for.. things in life that we all go thru.. looks like we can learn from them rite? even dogs are more faithful, more trustworthy and have more bond than people nowadays coz they do not backstab, do not lie n cheat and juz display their honest feelings to each other rather than putting a false front.

wow.. thinking how late i’m sleeping now n how late i slept yest. yest this time i wuz waiting to watch a 2am show called the art of seduction.. a korean show.. it’s real funnie abt how 1 guy n 1 girl try to out-seduce each other but in e end falling for each other. incidentally, this coincides w one of the books i read called "the game" by neil strauss.. wad i learnt from them is tt seduction is all abt the science of knowing the game.. n u muz b rich to play the game. coz poor guys cant impress a girl w no cash. it’s a dammn sad fact.. really it is.. but its the truth.. watched it w my 2 air force bud’s from air force sch last time.. ken n loke.. been going out w guys so much i forgot how does going out w a girl feels like.. sighh.. but i’m definately not brokeback understand.. argh.. juz deranged man!!!.. craziness..

politicing on a weekend for once where i also c the majority dissing and putting down particular minorities which is a sad fact from a voluntarily organisation. to a certain point in time, i’m also one of the minorities as my feedback sometimes is gone unheard and not thot as serious. yes, i’m not a born leader.. neither am i a good speaker and i’m not popular w the crowd for the right reasons. but wat i lack in talent i display in attitude and i definately am in it longer than many. but still sometimes, it drains me..wad shld i do to see such stuff but i cant do anything abt it. to some point in time, this wuz an organisation that made me the person i am, god fearing and w proper religious values but yet an organisation which is breaking sometimes but i dun feel like i haf the power neither the energy to do anything.

keep learning abt things, never stopping when the truth is so far from reality, i stop n wonder when things go wrong and when will it go right until i give up trying to make sense of it all. let time tell wad to do in the course of fate n ya destiny to decide ya turning points in life to make it truly yours..

carpe diem-seize the moment..

something took on e way back.. hilarious shit..

*jus reflects*

hey u all.. thought my com went ka phish on me yest but in e end my lil bro managed to fix the net while i wuz lamenting at work. kids are so gd w tech nowadays.. while all i did to help wuz to mute the voice on my com by accidentally plucking the speaker cable. sighh..

sorrie all for the kan cheong-ness n crap.. but then this com is frying anytime soon.. gonna ko like so soon. can feel it in my guts but then w no cash all i can do is juz sit n watch the demise of my com b4 i can do anything.

being conversing pretty well w one of my net frens.. but then i had a net fren who became a good fren but turned out to b some1 different now. sighh.. life takes such funnie sad lil twists and in e end i juz get all the biting n crap thrown onto me. how will life treat me in the future.. juz gotta let the big man up there give u the hints and i’ll juz go right in..

a weekend w no idea wat is gonna happen.. how will it b? we’ll figure tt out ourselves.

*jus sighhs*

yea.. u all heard me rite.. i’m blogging from work. such is the life of an avid blogger. it’s 745am am and i got abt 15 mins of blog time.

so aniwae, i had a good dinner yest but a lousy evening as i tried to dota but my net fails to respond. an ongoing problem all the time escalating into a major pain in the ass.. hmm.. dinner.. i had.. sofra’s sultan’s kebab w apple tea but it wuz the dessert that took the cake. nydc’s jedi mudster and a cool lime shiver.. *brr*

but when i went home.. sighh my modem again w the flickering light and i had a brainwave to try a different net cable which i had frustration w which resulted in me snapping the speaker cable rendering my speaker useless.. juz great..

so now i have a com tt cant connect n wout sound. excellent.. so i guess my blog will b bit slow on entries.. unless it works on the weekend or u will c me blog in work more often.. sighh..

*jus frustrated*

it’s like 1am.. n i’m not asleep yet.. i’m so dead tml.. LOL.. wad e heck. juz got back from a show.. firewall starring harrison ford.. not too bad a flick though. aniwae.. as i try to pick up the broken pieces oblivious to the fact tt ppl think they r right.. but den as they speak to defend themselves, i juz dun give a dammn.. it may seem trivial to them but when they nid help n rave abt themselves all e time den it’s not trivial to them.. their matters, their things, their feelings.. so self centered n so superficial. when did u help me when i’m constantly in red? when did i received aid from u?.. yeah.. ya cool when ya ok.. but when in pain n agony.. i’m a knight not in shining amour n not with a single gratitude.. this knight is tired.. n he is not even supposed to do this job n as if i’m assigned it in the 1st place.i deserve to shower my attention to ppl who actually bother to shower it back.  take kindness for weakness n now turn back n bite at me.. bite all u wan folks.. coz mr kind no more.. malovent in nature and vile to the core..

aniwae.. enough raving back.. while waiting for the show, bought a new bag by crumpler.. close to 200 bucks.. X… but better be worth the effort n cash coz i intend to use this baby for some time.. in e end, guys n girls are no different.. they all nid ppl to tell them they are loved n they also like to get things to make themselves happie!.. since i got no 1 to tell me i’m loved.. i better love myself more.. LOL… suxs being me sometimes.. =)

*jus ROARS*

it’s the end of easter trilogy w sun.. n i’m so sad it’s finally over.. sighh.. no more holiday..

aniwae the day’s update is dry.. church, meeting n dota.. in a sentence.. sad rite.. how linear it is. aniwae.. my house is not safe for the past year. or more than tt i dunno. my sis lost her digicam last year n more recently her whole handbag w her wallet n stuff was inside. but the stupid robbers did not steal the bag only keeping the cash in her wallet which wuz pretty dumb.

aniwae y i’m only saying this now is that those muther-farking asses haf been arrested n how they commited their lil crime is reckless and say v foolhardy.

a bunch of malay boys.. climbed the pillar outside the block of my house and jumped onto the parapet to reach the 2nd floor window of my flat.. in case u dun understand the danger of this.. the pillar is open view n outside the long corridor of the flat. so they practically leapt off the corridor divider n clinging to a small pillar to reach the parapet. what kinda madness is this world coming to?

n all that risking their life for my sis money in the wallet which is abt 100+ bucks? cat thieves w balls but definately w no brain.. the police arrested them yest as they were doing that same thing to other ppl houses recently.. n a statement is due tml.. it’s such an irony coz my fren’s bag got stolen under his nose today as we were playing dota.. n sg is a safe place to live in? i beg to differ..

cant b safe anywhere in this case even in my own house.. so scary.. even my mind is mentally assaulted by ppl who take my kindness for a weakness and exploit it wantonly.. my heart being ripped as ppl cheat wad i say of honesty coz they are not in the right state of mind. sighh.. i feel v sad sometimes.

sighh.. no nice guy le.. work hard n well i muz to achieve my goals.. no 1 for solace n help.. i dun give a fark.. but myself alone n the divine intervention by the big guy up there who ensures i’m ok n safe but not comfy.. LOL

*jus perplexed*

happie easter folks!!!.. it’s 3am in e morning and i juz got back from church and other activities..

with the happie easter mode in my mind i intend to carry on w my stuff and heck care abt the rest of bad things.

today morning though wuz not too good as i came to church and had to settle some problems which i tried but still did not work out. in e end still wasted money and no progress. dammn it.. by e time i wuz done.. wuz like omg.. 1430++ and i gotta crawl back there again like 1700..

it’s a church day today though.. it’s the finale of the easter trilogy or the tridium.. holy sat.. n 4 hrs was spent on e altar for mass and stuff.. after all tt penance, it’s down to serious party at 2330..

not tt i got any date’s to go to.. or i got anything lined up.. i vent my frustration on my fren’s in form of dota.. hahaha..

tml? same shit different day.. though i nid a life.. but progress has to b made. juz let nature take it’s coz for all matters and something will shine thru in the end. for now.. work work work.. n DOTA!!.. LOL.. i’m going bonkers.. tt is wad u get w stress and no relief.. dammn it..

*jus sianz*

today or i shld say yest.. hahaha.. wuz a real wet day man.. the water like reached ankle to near knee level near paya lebar area.. as i made my way to church for service at 1530. as i kneeled for half to abt an hour during veneration of the cross and since i fasted today i feel good abt it.

this year been a trying year for my religion as i seem to b challenged w ppl n life strange twists and all.. nv cursed so much in my life..

then again i cant help to comment.. i had it w this particular fren of mine. i have been raving abt tt person so often sometimes.. so u think that ya pissed and spout your mouth off condones u to lie and cheat a fren’s feelings? it’s so easy to run to ppl when ya down and out and hope the world consoles u but then i dun nid fair weathered frens.. this is not the 1st n it’s so definately the last as i’m not allowing this shit to go on n screw up my mind. fuck this man.. ya had ya chance chum n ya lost it.. no more mr nice guy anymore.. like i’m so positive all e time.. darn i dunno when wuz the time i wuz truely happie w my life.. ROAR!!!

care i shall not, disturb neither i will.. coz i’m through being a babysitter sometimes.. i nid some to pamper me n no 1 is there so y shld i? work out all e way n bury my life in endless chores.. always know my band of brothers are there for me no matter wad.. sounds dammn brokeback but then they dun hurt ya mind so much compared to many individuals i know.. previous colleagues or juz pure frens.

que sera sera.. wadeva will b will b.. in e end… as how achilies got shot in the heel and how samson got his hair cut.. the warrior falls on the ground.. but as batman begins says: y do we learn to fall? so tt we can learn how to pick yourself up.. not tt i nv fell in my life.. so i’d juz wash the cuts and bruises and move on..

aniwae.. i broke my fast w ben,jerry,gab n joe at manhattan fish market.. LOL.. a feast after a fast.. wad a way to end it.. after tt, a quick trip to suntec w ben n jerry’s ice cream.. wad a way to end a day.. not too bad.. tml is holy sat.. wad brings the end of my easter tridium? i wonder..

*jus ROARS*