ode to a close fren whom drifts away .. a day where emotion hits rock bottom..
hii u all.. as i type more n more.. it seems more n more negative n dreary.. as today my emo’s definately hit rock bottom..
i met up w my close neighbour fren of mine whom i really value her rship w. it seems so lousy the day today as i thot both of us really thot as a mutual close frenship thing and she is drifting away into the spaceless void out there n i’m being compared to a person she barely knew n prob for that, forsake this long standing relationship of ours. i juz could not help but feel jealous of that.
i really tot tt of so much things said and done as her fren, sharing her problems, solving it all and stuff.. that a certain level of trust was forged somewhere. but then, when things in her life seems hunky dory and there seems to be no problems which i am needed.. i felt like a worthless rag juz thrown away after wiping a dirty table. i mean.. no credit n gratitude i dun care. but juz the simple decency as a fren? i guess she would rather fake going out w me n tell me in the end that she did not wanted to go out in the 1st place would be nice for me.. or when i asked if my company as a fren for so long.. compared to a person she barely knew but she is prob thinking him as a romantic interest.. n she juz ignored me as if i did not ask anything.. of cos she may ask who am i to her? juz a fren n who am i to expect so much of her? but then, when she treats u differently than how she used to and all.. i only feel all e more saddened..
i mean i cant possibly haf anything for her due to religion issues even if i wanted to but i cant help but juz feel so shit out for wad she did to me.. mebbe it would b different if she had my religion but then, i cant help but feel so so sad that i’m drifting away from her n all.. like what do u want me to do guys?? i feel so lost n all.. izzit time to move on?? i really dunno..
not only w her i’m so bugged abt.. even my job prospects as i speak, i’m so worried abt. as i thot that i would haf a stable job waiting for me and all.. now? i’m not even sure what is in store due to change of mind in higher authorities in the company i’m intending to go into. after all the sacrifice i made to get into this.. i maybe left with nothing in the end.
in e end, i thought i had everything, frens i thot i can trust in and a career waiting for me n all.. but in the end, i only may realise that i only haf nothing to my name.. n it really sucks n feel sad.. coz of all the cheating n lying n loss of frens out there, i turn to my trusted buddies i hope whom i can tell to n as so much as i wish for a female confidante.. my wish is not gonna b granted i guess.
*jus sadd*
