Blogging to clear my noggin

the title states very clearly.. i’m now at my best bud’s place. sighh.. i cant even use net for the moment. dunno wad e hell happened at home.. sob..

aniwae work at border’s is fun!! i’m offically "live" tml as a temp bookshelver. which means i’m done w my training. thanks to all my colleagues and fellow trainees for making it fun.

though it’s kinda tiring walking up n down and climbing high n low shelving books but the environment there is laid back.

going for an interview also tml at chai chee.. hopefully i see some positive results from it.. but now my trip here is kinda wasted since they haf not replied back, i can’t get the proof i want to back my urgent leave tml.. sighh..

gotta take things 1 step at a time i guess!.. hee hee.. hope it pays off..looks like i’m gonna hibernate from net for a while.. n not blog for sometime.. flood ya all peeps when i get online again..

*jus sighhs*

today i feel like crap. today i spent my day w my best bud darlie n met e other brother in arms ambrose. not before catching sight of a fren i used to b close to with her new beau.. my advice falls on deaf ears.. i dun give a dammn any more abt her life.. but who am i to judge?

as tht wuz not bad enough, i return home only to realise that my uncle had called to announce to my mom.. that i can’t get in halliburton as his boss adamantly refuses to hire new employees.. like how farked up is that? for all the effort to put in for this and now all comes to nought! i feel like shit. shld haf expected it coming. loss of frens nvm.. now this? o man.. life is really good to me.

now i type my blog w a com that is shitty, a modem that flickers and disconnects my msn and my only source of entertainment> my gaming so i cant play properly, i cant type properly… juz great.. juz o so great!.. i think it really suits me well.. a shitty com for a shitty life happening so far.. sweet..

hopefully my temp holds more perks coz if that is crap too i’m really screwed..

*jus crap out*

yeah… finally something to do instead of complaining and head banging..

i went for an interview for a position of a bookseller in border’s.. but in e end settled for a temp position of a bookshelver.. LOL.. aniwae.. not for the cash though it’s not so high but at least enough to tide me over for now.

hopefully with the presence of a temp job i’m more occupied n more able to enjoy myself while working part time. the hours are light and my weekends are still free!.. monday to thurs.. fri n weekends off.. n of coz while i’m there, get to know more ppl as the company ard me is dwindling and getting lesser by the days that go by..

job starts on monday… hopefully it works out n also my perm job i’ve been waiting for materialises in due time.. arghh!!!…

ps: i’m temp.. so i got no employee discounts ok.. so dun bug me to buy books for u all!!.. but i appreciate company.. so do drop by ok? wahahaha..

*jus hopes*

hey u all..

today i went to border’s to attempt to land a temp job in retail there. but in e end me n jerry was planned for an interview tml as we reached there a wee bit late. so aniwae after tt i met up w my old church fren diana n her bf.. which my memory seems to fail wad name wuz tt.. oops.. so sorrieee…

had a good long chat abt ppl n how our life has been n all.. juz relating my experiences abt bad breakups n hi bye frens.. sighh.. in e end.. ppl are always the same.. i rmb updating my friendster profile abt my life.. go n check it out! if ya haf nt seen it yet..true frens worth keeping when we stick thru thick or thin beneath all that skin.. blood runs thru our veins.. n share weal n woe to date.. but ppl tend to forget all that when they r in the happiest time of their life.. its shallow sometimes but it’s the truth.. in the end.. ya closest fren may turn out to b a fair weather fren.. n it’s pretty demoralising when thier life is so fab when i’m the total opposite.. shucks.. y dun i haf such luck! n nothing can b done abt tt.. even not a word of encouragement n consolation.. well.. sucks to b me i guess

thank god for my buddies tt make my life so much better like ambrose, daryl,darryl.. then u want to make frens who ain’t fair weathered but is so difficult to find.. those ppl who can b considered my true fren’s been tested time n time again n nv let me down..

once again… it sucks to b me!!! … so wish me best of luck for interview man.. no job at electrical company.. border’s temp also good..

*jus raves*

it’s like a monday morning/sunday evening and while ppl scurry to bed preparing to work the next day.. i’m still up by my com pa-ing dota n msn-ing ppl.

work looks bleak n honestly i had it complaining abt lack of work n love. coz even if i complain million times, it does not help things.

sunday.. today is a day for church n dota!!.. prob i will b trying to keep myself bz.. since st pat’s alummi is coming up.. good time to stretch my musical self again. hopefully it’s still there.. wahahaha..

emptiness n boredom definately lead to loneliness and despair.. and after i help ppl out of problems and ruts.. i find myself in the biggest shit hole in my life so far. is’nt there any1 to help me? o fark.. i’m complaining again!!.. wahahaha..

once a complainer always a complainer.. wahahaha.. but i dun whine ok!

tsk tsk.. pray for me folks..

*jus desperate*

hey u all..

aniwae.. the result with my full time is that i feel dammn impatient w it and all since i’m like doing nothing trying to wait for it.. i juz thot n to heck with waiting!!.. i’m gonna look for a part time while i wait for this "dream job" as if it comes along i can always quit part time but if it does not work, at least i got stuff to fall back on.

i spent valentine’s day doing a 1 day part time job with my fren’s uncle.. or "yi zhang" if i might add.. aniwae we were at a factory where handphones were not allowed.. n from 9-6++ we were in an office assembling office cubicles for an office. the result is that i wuz paid $50/- for it.. n it’s not an easy job.

not gonna do that for long i guess? i like only spent a day doing it. n not intending to go back that soon. well.. having consulted my fren darryl, he got a vacancy in this company in which he is working in. hopefully i dun get a long waiting period again. another option is working in tampines in a call center.. prob if i can get the job working part time in auto cadd in darryl’s intended company.. tht would b the best as it would co-relate to the job i’ve been waiting for in months which is in halliburton.

as for my fren’s.. well… ambrose n darryl are swell bud’s.. as for my close female fren which i had a recent tiff with.. let’s juz say that i’m still ok w her.. but then.. juz a bit more apprehensive i guess as she blows hot n cold n is "movin on" in life.. i guess i also gotta move on.. hahaha.. oops.. o well..

aniwae.. today went to this clearance warehouse sale with darryl n gabby seow.. hehehe.. in case ya read this gab.. there is no mystery gal in my life.. juz being vocal in complaining abt frens.. n still sadly single n nothing to chio n bio… wahahaha.. bought a new keyboard n mouse.. worth $35/- o well..

pray tht things work out.. i really am so tired.. with things and all.. sighh..

*jus prays*

hey.. u all.. this long dreary wait for my job has been taking it’s toll on me. as it keeps giving me small glimmer of hope n then snuffing it out even before i can touch it, i feel v sad n irritated.. y is it like that? so disappointed.

i thot i would haf an interview on V day n told my frens if i got no luv, at least i can get a job. but then.. the interview is been postponed for how long i also dunno.. as the higher authorities there think that finding experienced people has more priority compared to taking in new trainees.. sighh..

how long muz i wait for this? it’s so frustrating to wait for something so indefinate. i actually rejected another job offer for this.. n for what? a long time of waitin n hoping for something to happen but nothing seems to be working out!

look for part time also difficult as i dun know how long muz i wait.. n it does not help that i get no love also.. as the whole world is booked on tues.. even meeting a friend to go out on that day is also difficult… sucks to be me i guess..

*jus sian*

of cos after all the complaining n emo’s running high n low n all.. i guess it’s time to c the damage that happened.

long n short of it.. she finally got down to reading my blog n got all apologetic w me and all. kudo’s n thanks to all my true fren’s who stood by me but many of em told me that she is not worth keeping. but then.. i still truly value her friendship. i dunno how much difference it will make after all this but i still stand firm what i believe which is i will not allow myself to b trampled on again.

i sincerely hope that the person in mention is really sincere abt her apology n all coz once bitten twice shy.. thrice bitten nv try.. ya passed stage 2.. dun make it round 3 ok? coz i really hate to c that happen and as evil as i can get.. i can b even more evil in round 3. coz fren’s come n go. but true frens really stand by each other. i allow myself to stand w u coz i allow it to b not because it is meant to be. are u gonna be a true friend to me? or a true fiend? i will risk it n c what happens.

sorrie ambrose.. i know i’m still a softie w females still.. but friend’s w u is really the best thingy tht ever happened. of cos i will not forget my band of brothers in church.. n my other best buddy.. darlie.. =) but rmb to keep watch for me ok? we will keep our asses clean from dirt n grime..

thanks for all the concern all ya peeps shown on to me..

*jus sighhs*

part 3 of my friend saga.. like a trilogy more i shld say.

today it’s outing w her again.. n after tht episode, i went dinner w the only buddy i can make sense to.. ambrose.. thank u bud so much for the wakening!

it seemed like a ok outing w her i guess.. when i started to realise myself like a fool to keep treating n paying for her when she dun appreciates it at all. i mean out of goodwill to buy a present for her.. she wuz so adamant in a pair of slippers tht wuz nice but cost like 189++.. i mean i cant afford tht.. n when i mentioned asking her to ask her supposed "love interest" to pay.. she actually could tell me tht she dun want him to pay so much!!!.. n i can pay so much for her la?? upon query, she mentioned that i know her longer.. n all.. so now when paying more for a present, duration as a fren is impt la.. n caring for my pocket is not i guess?? i feel like such an idiot.. i told her tt i can buy anything tt she likes.. but a 189++ slipper??? .. cmon lor.. n who am i to u?? u alreddi said tht yourself.. sheesh..

wait.. n there is still more.. she is like still attached and all.. n finally when i get tht she is seeing tht guy more as a fren but a potential interest.. i told her to do something abt her current bf.. n she juz told me tht she will sms him.. i wuz like OMG LOR.. n since i had a experience like tt b4 i told her it’s better to tell him face to face.. n she told me.. wad if he scolds me n all.. like what u did to ya x and all.. like WTH lor.. i’m speaking from experience it’s not nice for a gal to do tht to u.. n u wan to do tht to him? even though if ya bf is an ass but still he deserves to be told by u.. not thru a handphone sms.. like tht wuz a real low blow man..

if u are reading this the person involved.. i told u my past for u to not make the same mistake n all.. not for u to stab me in the back coz of wad i said n think tht is utter bullshit. n yes.. i’m at home with nothing much ado.. n jobless n all… tht u can say tht i’m so free and say i think so much and all.. i mean as my fren it’s like u support me n i support u kinda thing.. so after all the help ya got from me.. i would nv expect u to say tht i think too much and all.. rather than helping.. if i’m confused, maybe gimme a helping hand n all?? .. sighh..

i mean i dun mean to diss u and all.. but if u really want a fren.. i believe it’s a 2 way thing.. n frens dun care abt how much ya present is worth and all.. it’s the thot tht counts.. sighh.. i feel suddenly like enlightened and all.. like wow..

listen up n listen good whoeva u are.. i shall not bother anymore le.. lor.. if being a fren to u means u can step on me like a doormat. i shall not allow myself to b stepped anymore.. when i thot of u as a close fren n expected some help from u.. i guess nothing could b given.. i really thot of u as a fren but then.. sighh.. i still hope u to be.. but after all is said n done.. i only can say.. good luck in wadeva ya do.. cheerio..

*jus relieved*

hii u all.. as i type more n more.. it seems more n more negative n dreary.. as today my emo’s definately hit rock bottom..

i met up w my close neighbour fren of mine whom i really value her rship w. it seems so lousy the day today as i thot both of us really thot as a mutual close frenship thing and she is drifting away into the spaceless void out there n i’m being compared to a person she barely knew n prob for that, forsake this long standing relationship of ours. i juz could not help but feel jealous of that.

i really tot tt of so much things said and done as her fren, sharing her problems, solving it all and stuff.. that a certain level of trust was forged somewhere. but then, when things in her life seems hunky dory and there seems to be no problems which i am needed.. i felt like a worthless rag juz thrown away after wiping a dirty table. i mean.. no credit n gratitude i dun care. but juz the simple decency as a fren? i guess she would rather fake going out w me n tell me in the end that she did not wanted to go out in the 1st place would be nice for me.. or when i asked if my company as a fren for so long.. compared to a person she barely knew but she is prob thinking him as a romantic interest.. n she juz ignored me as if i did not ask anything.. of cos she may ask who am i to her? juz a fren n who am i to expect so much of her? but then, when she treats u differently than how she used to and all.. i only feel all e more saddened..

i mean i cant possibly haf anything for her due to religion issues even if i wanted to  but i cant help but juz feel so shit out for wad she did to me.. mebbe it would b different if she had my religion but then, i cant help but feel so so sad that i’m drifting away from her n all.. like what do u want me to do guys?? i feel so lost n all..  izzit time to move on?? i really dunno..

not only w her i’m so bugged abt.. even my job prospects as i speak, i’m so worried abt. as i thot that i would haf a stable job waiting for me and all.. now? i’m not even sure what is in store due to change of mind in higher authorities in the company i’m intending to go into. after all the sacrifice i made to get into this.. i maybe left with nothing in the end.

in e end, i thought i had everything, frens i thot i can trust in and a career waiting for me n all.. but in the end, i only may realise that i only haf nothing to my name.. n it really sucks n feel sad.. coz of all the cheating n lying n loss of frens out there, i turn to my trusted buddies i hope whom i can tell to n as so much as i wish for a female confidante.. my wish is not gonna b granted i guess.

*jus sadd*